‘Bad sex is not worth putting up with – you’ll be stuck with it for the rest of your life’ – Melanie Blake

Fierce and funny Notebook columnist Melanie Blake says the only duff endings she is prepared to hear in the bedroom are the ones that start when the credits roll at the end of EastEnders…

This week, Mel Blake advises readers who got in touch with their sex confessionsopinionByMelanie BlakeColumnist

  • 07:00, 11 Sep 2021
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Well, you guys really surprised me with your responses to last week’s sex survey on when it’s appropriate to get intimate with a potential new partner.

I had so many emails, Instagram messages and tweets about this topic that the only way to address some of them was to turn this week’s column into your page.

So here’s a pick of the letters I received asking for advice – I’m hoping I’ll be able to help and for those of you who didn’t get in contact, you may find some answers, too. So here we go…

Molly from Manchester said…

Dear Melanie,

Your column really resonated with me because I have found myself trapped in exactly one of the scenarios that you described. I’m in my late 40s, divorced, met a really nice guy on a dating website, we went on some great dates, felt the chemistry was right but I didn’t want to appear to be cheap by sleeping with him too soon as I am looking for a boyfriend not a bunk-up.

'If after all this time he’s not making you tingle in the bedroom it’s never going to happen'
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It's claimed you should wait eight dates before sex – how long do you give it?

'£25k shopping splurges made me feel like Julia Roberts – but now I've changed'

Anyway, I didn’t sleep with him until the 8th date and it was truly awkward. It’s been 6 months since then, I keep praying the sex will get better because he’s so perfect in every other way, and I’ve tried to guide him to follow what would work for me in the bedroom but it just seems that we are totally incompatible in that area.

All my friends tell me I’d be mad to dump him as he’s a great guy, trustworthy and all the rest of it and I really care about him but I need some honest advice and you strike me as a woman who tells it like it is, so please advise me what I should do.

To quote the famous Whoopi Goldberg line in the Ghost movie, "Molly, you’re in danger girl!" Danger of bad sex for the rest of your life if you stay with this man.

It doesn’t matter how nice he is or how fulfilling he is to the other parts of your life that you mention, if sex is important to you and after all this time he’s not making you tingle in the bedroom it’s never going to happen.

Melanie's debut novel Ruthless Women is out now

'I caught my builders slacking off to ogle the size 8 Estonian blonde neighbour'

'The bed I spent so many steamy nights in has gone – it's time to move on from lying ex'

My advice is blunt, end it now and save yourself any more Oscar-winning faking it performances. We’ve all done it to spare feelings but at the end of the day it’s your feelings you need to think about and you’re obviously not happy and life is just too short to miss out on those magic moments.

Lisa from Wolverhampton wrote….

Dear Melanie,

I had to write to you because I completely disagreed with you saying that you would sleep with someone on the first date to decide whether they were good in bed before pursuing.

I’m currently three years married to my husband (my first marriage) and we waited 6 dates before we had an overnight and being completely honest, the first few times were not great, but I persevered because I really liked him and a couple more dates down the line, the sparks flew and have never stopped ever since.

So I just wanted to say don’t stick to your one time rule because you might miss out on something wonderful like I did.

'Five years after my ex left me at altar, I finally learnt truth behind his vicious lie'

'My ex dropped whopping sex bombshell 5 years after leaving me at the altar'

Dear Lisa, I am absolutely thrilled to hear that story and will honestly promise to have a rethink about my recent decision of the ‘if it’s not fabulous first time then forget it’ rule.

But whilst I’m encouraged for you that that happened, I’m only willing to try that a couple of times because the only duff endings I am prepared to hear in my bedroom are the ones that start when the credits roll at the end of EastEnders.

Sorry that I couldn’t fit any more letters onto this page this week but fear not I’ll be answering a few more next week as this topic seems to have generated such a buzz (pardon the pun!).

In the meantime send me any of your thoughts, queries or questions to notebook@reachplc.com

Melanie's debut novel Ruthless Women is out now and you can follow her on Twitter and Instagram @MelanieBlakeUK or visit melanieblakeonline.com

Read more of Melanie Blake's shocking confrontation with the man who broke her heart

Here's what you may have missed from the jaw-dropping four-parter that has Notebook readers gripped.

Part 1: 'He left me at the altar five years ago – and then this week got in touch'

Part 2: 'My ex finally revealed why he jilted me on our wedding day – I wasn't expecting that'

Part 3: 'My ex dropped whopping sex bombshell 5 years after leaving me at the altar'

Part4: 'Five years after my ex left me at altar, I finally learnt truth behind his vicious lie'

More Melanie Blake…

  • 'The bed I spent so many steamy nights in has gone – it's time to move on from lying ex'

  • 'To every married lech: I'll send your messages to your wives – you've been warned'

  • 'William and Harry will have to mend their family bond naturally – you can’t force it'

  • 'I went to the university of life, which is not an education that’s accepted by toffs'

  • 'One day we will look at Love Island in horror like shows from the 70s'

  • 'Famous showbiz client made sickening suicide note request if I took my own life'

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