She has always been open about her mental health and anxiety.
And Ellie Goulding has now discussed the ‘feelings of dread’ she experienced during her first ever panic attack that she said felt like ‘dying’.
The singer, 34, made the revelations during a candid chat with Frankie Bridge on the Open Mind podcast where she also chatted about the roots of her anxiety and the impact of her early fame.
Candid: Ellie Goulding has discussed the ‘feelings of dread’ she experienced during her first ever panic attack that she said felt like ‘dying’, in a candid new interview
She said of her first anxiety attack: ‘I was on a train, going to my friend’s dad’s funeral, sadly, and I was going back through where I grew up and I remembered the old person that I was and it hadn’t caught up with this new person that I was trying to make myself as a recording artist, and I think it just completely crashed.
‘And just at that moment the train broke down and it was just this coming together of things where it came out in this massive panic of, well I was sweating, and my heart was pounding and I was having palpitations and I had these feelings of dread – which made me think I’m going to die.
‘I was like, ‘Is this death? Is this dying?’, because that’s how severe it was as a physical reaction.’
Honest: The singer, 34, made the revelations during a candid chat with Frankie Bridge on the Open Mind podcast where she also chatted about the roots of her anxiety and the impact of her early fame (pictured performing in 2020)
Discussing the roots of her anxiety when asked by Frankie if she had always struggled with the condition or if it developed when she got older, Ellie said: ‘I don’t remember having it when I was younger.
‘It’s possible that I did. I just maybe didn’t interpret it in the right way or I thought that was just who I was; whereas I’ve been able to unpick things a lot more now as I get older.
‘I think the first time that it became a physical thing was when I started out in music and it all happened so bloody quickly that I couldn’t catch up with what was going on… my brain couldn’t catch up with my body or the other way around.’
Frankie then asked if she felt like most of her feelings of anxiety came from her past.
Candid: She said of her first anxiety attack: ‘I was like, ‘Is this death? Is this dying?’, because that’s how severe it was as a physical reaction’
She responded: ‘It’s funny how when you talk to people, things come out for the first time. I found myself saying things for the first time. Not to get really deep, but why not, that’s why we’re here. I probably abandoned someone that I was, quite early on. So I grew up pretty quickly I think.
‘And that was factors in my childhood: my parents divorcing, sometimes things not being great at home. That’s an understatement. I think I really quickly wanted to become someone else.
‘And the way that I imagine it is that not only have I become someone else by becoming a stronger person, being a resilient person – just really trying to escape this childhood stuff – but also I had become someone who was performing, as a whole other character as well.’
Ellie struggled with being thrust into the spotlight at just 24 after leaving university to make music.
She explained: ‘I was trying to suppress everything to be this big star. So all those things just came together and my body was like ‘no’. This is not physically possible.
‘Not to mention I was overexercising, I wasn’t sleeping, I was drinking. And so it’s not surprising that that stuff ended up happening when it did.
The star also went on to discuss her love life in her twenties when Frankie asked her if she thought she would end up with someone like her husband.
Ellie had her first child Arthur in April with husband Caspar Jopling who she married in a lavish ceremony in York.
She responded: ‘I suppose in some kind of romantic way I thought I’m a musician and I’m going to end up with a musician, and it’s going to be so nice, and we’re going to sit around playing music all day.
‘But actually no, through my twenties, which we’ve all done, you go through relationships, you find out so much about yourself and I’m sure the other person finds out about themselves, too. And I got to a point where actually my conclusion was that I didn’t want to be with anyone.
The Open Mind with Frankie Bridge podcast is available on Apple, Spotify and all major podcast platforms.
For confidential help and support call Samaritans for free on 116 123 or visit www.samaritans.org
Chat: The star also went on to discuss her love life in her twenties when Frankie asked her if she thought she would end up with someone like her husband (pictured with Caspar Jopling at their nuptials in York)