‘Rebekah Vardy and Coleen Rooney choose their court outfits carefully during trial’

Rebekah Vardy leaves court (Image: Anadolu Agency via Getty Images)

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With the cost of living crisis and the ongoing war in Ukraine, it’s hard to raise a smile and just escape from it all.

But, ladies and gentlemen, recently my mind has not been focused on how much more I am paying for petrol or whether I should just put on an extra cardi.

Because I have been utterly distracted by Wagatha Christie.

If you’ve not heard about it, please crawl out from under the rock and get with the programme – this is going to be the most current topic at any dinner party for months. So let me fill you in. Really briefly.

Rebekah Vardy (wife of footballer Jamie, who plays for Leicester City) is suing Coleen Rooney (wife of footballer and now Derby County manager Wayne) for libel.

These two Wags (term used for Wives and Girlfriends of footballers) are at war after Mrs Rooney claimed on her social media that Mrs Vardy was the one leaking private stories about her to the press.

(Image: REUTERS)

Despite attempts by both parties to settle out of court, neither is backing down.

And the stakes are high because as media lawyer Jonathan Coad states: “Once someone’s said ‘I’m right, you’re wrong’ in a very public way – to a six-figure Twitter following – it’s a big climbdown.”

So here we are, a trial that costs millions and the only winners as usual will be the lawyers. If these two had any business sense at all, they’d have settled – and used the savings to stock up on designer clothes, bags and shoes.

Am I interested in all the gory details? No. Except the bit where Peter Andre’s certain body part was compared by Mrs Vardy to “a chipolata” in a News of the World interview, which she claimed her ex-husband had forced her to give.

What I’m really hooked on is the “court couture” that both women have picked for their appearances.

Because, let me tell you, every single detail from their heels, hair, clothes, makeup, bags and jewellery will have been painstakingly pondered over, moodboarded and stylised to be picked up by social media, brands and magazines.

Both know that the other (silent) trial they’re fighting is for “best-dressed Wag”. And, let’s face it, that holds a lot more currency than the court win. From what I’ve seen, I would imagine Mrs Vardy’s stylist sat down and said, “OK, darling, so we need a look that says I’m confident, in control – clean lines, bold colour, big shades, corporate chic, with clean makeup and pulled back hair to show we’ve nothing to hide.”

Mrs Rooney’s team, I can imagine, could have had discussions along the lines of, “So Col, you’ve hurt your leg… we can use this to highlight vulnerability.

“We’ll bring the ‘girl next door’ vibe, floaty dresses women can buy from Zara to elevate your influencer status. A mix of high street and high end – no one likes a ‘rich b**ch’ in a cost of living crisis.”

My feeling is, Coleen has a lead. I like her “not trying too hard” look.

But both know there’s no such thing as bad PR. Just don’t say it was me that told you…